Dating & Marriage 101: The Husband Quest

questQuestion: “Where’s my husband?”

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. Proverbs 31:10-20

Many of my single friends are on the Husband Quest. They spend a tremendous amount of thought and personal time devoted to finding their husband. Much like many if not most young women in the premarriage season there is a pursuit of various methods to attract their husband’s attention…in the FLESH. Cute dresses, manicures, haircuts, lipstick, batting eyes, attending “Christian” gatherings not in the name of reverence or honor of the Lord but in a personal quest to fulfill their hearts desire to be married.

Here are a few reasons God keeps His single women of God single.
• God purely wants you to be single and devoted to His works
• We ignore the Christian man who is pursuing us because he does not match all the points on “The Checklist”
• We ignore the Christian man who is pursuing us because he does not match personal flesh driven requirements aka looks
• We are unwilling to obey God’s simple but critical command required to be married: serve

Proverbs 31 spends an extensive amount of time describing this honorable woman. The most notable traits are willingness to serve. She serves her husband, serves her family, serves at work, and serves the poor. This woman is not idly sitting at home watching the grass grow or gathering with her girlfriends to chit chat about who’s cute or “define your relationship”. No, this woman is out being busy doing the Lord’s work which is to serve.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

God created Eve and all her descendants to be helpers or helpmates. Helpers are servants. These are the supportive, go to gals who make their husbands’ shine. God requires all Believers including single women to be servants. If you are not willing serve your fellow brother or sister, your Church, your parents, or the poor (which God repeatedly demands), what makes you think you would be willing to serve a husband? Servanthood is one area women on the Husband Quest need to consider. Besides, how’s your Biblical husband going to find you if he never sees you serving? AMEN

He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

Photo Credit: Bing

Discernment: Measure Up!!!

measureupHave you ever thought? “If THEY could just measure up (stop the habits/sin that annoys you), we’d have the perfect friendship/marriage/work/ministry relationship.”  I remember a heavy season of doing this.  I would complain (which was a sin I completely ignored –Do everything without complaining or arguing” Philippians 2:14) about the failings/sins of others to others, and how it was stopping their growth and affecting me.  I would hold firmly that I had pure motives and the motive was in the name of  The Faith.  Two friend/mentors gave me a very different and unexpected response that my peers did not give.  Both of these very wise individuals on separate times (who are solid, seasoned Believers) listened very closely and rather than offer a “Fix It” solution for the others or join in my pow wow of complaining – they asked me “What about you?  What about your story (your sin)?”  I thought “What!?”

Both individuals (Believers) without telling me my sins of complaining, judgment, not walking in love, and not extending grace, encouraged me to step away from pointing out the flaws of others and look inwardly.  One even asked me, “What if they never changed?”  I did not give the grace filled response of I would love regardless or stop keeping tabs.  I was still vested in pointing out their sins and was not interested in grace (the same grace God extended me).  These wise friend mentors also encouraged me to step away from keeping records of wrongs as noted in 1 Corinthians 13 and to confess my own sin.  They always encouraged me to walk in love, to take my eye off the sins of others, and to surrender the frustration to God so that the situation could be fought in the unseen realm.  By turning over the situation to God, we are now entering into a major tenet of our belief which is Faith.  Ultimately, there is no sin that is too great for us to forgive and extend Grace.  God calls for our obedience too especially in walking in love and extending grace.  – Amen

What is walking in love?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Resources: Surrender
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